Facilitator Tool Box: The "Beliefs" of Trust

Discussions and interventions around trust often devolve into a debate about whether trust should be “given” or “earned.” In one corner are those who, believing themselves to be trustworthy, cannot understand why others will not put full faith in their intent and/or actions. In the other corner are those who have been “burned” in the past and think it sheer folly to extend trust beyond what has been incontrovertibly demonstrated. “But I’m not like that,” says one. “Prove it,” says the other.

One path forward is to recognize that the statement “I Trust You” is a judgment. Whether reached instantly and intuitively upon first meeting or slowly after many concrete examples of selfless behavior, the person doing the trusting has come to believe certain propositions about you. They are:

1. You mean me no harm
2. You'll do what you say you will do
3. You'll let me know if something is getting in the way of you meeting your commitment
4. You'll speak the truth, as you know it
5. You'll be forthcoming with relevant information; you'll give the real scoop, share the real deal
6. You care about my results, in addition to yours

If your group is having a hard time getting to a meaningful discussion around trust, then bypass the “given” or “earned” discussion. Have your group members identify the “beliefs” which are in question and the reasons for the uncertainty; then determine as a group what discussions, structures or actions would reinforce these beliefs and go forward from there.

Notes

1 The list is loosely hierarchical. That is, a lack of certainty in the items at the top of the list is more fundamental to a person’s trust in another person than the items closer to the bottom. If I’m not certain that “you mean me no harm,” then I’ll never stop watching my back, nor will I extend myself for you without clear benefit to myself. On the other hand, the more “beliefs” I hold true for you (and you for me), the greater our ability for true synergy.

2 This list comes from our observation of groups in process; whenever there was a "trust issue," one could trace it back to lack of certainty on any one or more of the “beliefs” listed above. While others might wish to add more “beliefs” or change particular words in this list to be more in line with their culture (and we encourage you to take both of these steps to make the tool as useful as possible), we’ve found that this list “works” to describe those tenets which are wrapped up in the words “I Trust You.”